Looking for a birthday card for my mother who’s staying with my husband and I for a few months, brought unexpected anger.  The cards contained suggestions of what a loving and capable mother does, but that did not accurately describe my experience.  Not having had the experiences the cards suggested, made me feel separated from the love of God as Mother Love. 

In the evening, the headache I’d had for several hours, caused me such pain, I called Frank to ask for help through prayer.  His answer immediately brought  reassurance and calm:  “I’ll be doing some listenin’ and prayin’.”  Motherly Love, I thought, mixed with Fatherly Principle and Mind.  I went back to bed feeling hopeful that God, as Spirit, would make the mist disappear.  Soon, I drifted in a half-sleep, where I saw pieces of some of my memories spread before me like a puzzle, and, filling the gaps between the missing pieces where more Love should have been, was the Our Father and Psalm 23, as if taking a solid form and knitting the spaces between the pieces of the puzzle together.  It was awesome! I slept a few hours, woke up with a headache, drifted back to that strange sleep again, several times.  Finally, the phone rang. Someone close to my mom spoke with her. I had to get my day going since I had an appointment.  I was angry with myself for feeling my mother had failed me and my family, and I was condemning myself for causing her pain by judging her efforts at not been good enough and that I wasn’t good enough either as a consequence.  But even worse, I was feeling separated from God, and I didn’t know how to reconcile God’s Motherhood qualities with my experience.  

I was grateful to have solid prayers to anchor my thoughts to all day.  As a result, anger and self-condemnation melted away.  Thoughts of continued love and forgiveness for my mother, and hope, too, flooded my thinking.  Angel thoughts came to me in the form of suggestions of activities for her to do—continued Soul in expression.  At home, she too had had renewed thoughts of peace and love.  We were able to communicate kindly and truthfully, establish some guidelines that would make me feel respected in my home and my life and please her too.  

Later, watching a popular tv show, I realized that parents cannot be expected to meet all of their children’s needs, to let go of my idea of what that should have been or should be, and to continue to let God “mother” and “father” me in God’s own way (not my will, but Thine be done).  My mom did the best she could raising us.  As a matter of fact, when I told her the parable of the talents (in Matthew and Luke) and asked her how many talents she’d be bringing back to The Master…her response indicated to me she was genuinely trying her hardest, and that God would be pleased.  God never compares.  I feel more of the grace of acceptance.  I, too, am doing the best I can to show her love.  The false responsibility of making her happy and compensating for her unfulfilled dreams is not mine to take, but I trust God will knit her pieces of her puzzle, too.  God is infinite.  I am reconciled with the fact that Father will continue to bless His children in every possible way.  I am reconciled with God as Mother Love.  As a final note, I am grateful the store cards showed me thoughts that needed healing.